Saturday, January 31, 2009

Kais first post

Kai's story is one of extreme happiness. I am totally in love with her. When I found out I was pregnant, I was away in Louisville Kentucky for a 3 month support for work. That year I had been sent to Florida for 3 months returned home for 2 months and then drove on New Years Day to Kentucky. In that 2 months I had also gone to Hawaii for Ramblers Wedding and she announced she would be having little Rambler. In that 2 month span of time is where my life changed. I often look at the picture on my license as it shows me with a certain glow, I just did not know at the time that was the reason. It is the first picture of me pregnant. I thought maybe I was so excited to finally be at the front of the 2 hour long wait for a license renewal!

While I was out of town for the first trimester of my pregnancy I found it hard to find a "temporary" doctor. I found an excellent Doctor, Dr. Katherine and I was so upset I would not get to keep her, however I was almost willing to drive the 5 hours to go and see her!

All of the appointments were pretty non-drama, except they couldn't get a proper reading so I would have to return for "retakes" or "just-in-case" So all though everything was normal, I was on the "red-High Risk" file until everything was worked out. I will say this, 2 trimesters goes by fast when you almost skip out on an entire 3 months of being home.

Rambler and I were due with in 6 weeks of each other and we joked about whether we would have our children on the same day. (if I was early and she were could have happened). Rambler had little Rambler in August and My mother and Little Sis were coming out to see me and the new baby, only they didn't know when to fly in. I told them to come on the due date, and that should be good. My Little sis was flying in the week after....So I had MY Mommy for 1 whole week to myself and then they would leave together a week after my sis arrived. I ended up being a week late, so it worked out really nice. Unfortunately my sis wasn't gonna be there till the day after I had the baby....its all good though. I don't know what it is about me "getting things" just before I have my kids, but there is a pattern (only two times, but a pattern none the less). I decided I needed to purchase a couch from someone on craigslist and ended up fitting the sectionals into my Malibu and a friends car.....Yes I carried the couch from the top of this guys steps, he felt kinda sorry and tried to stop me, but I was a new mom on a mission...I was already late and kept saying "whats gonna happen, is it gonna make me go into labor?!" so everyone was okay with it.

I was really big at this point:

When I finally had my first set of contractions, I knew. I felt the movements and the slight pains in my sides. I winced and watched the clock. After the hour of watching the clock in silence (I didn't want anyone to freak) I got up, went to "see" Chas (just to make sure), and had a shower (they tell you not too, but I didn't know how long I would be at the hospital), and ate a poptart (because I knew they wouldn't feed me until I had the baby....this rule is so you don't poop on the table....gross right?)....finally I went back to talk to chas, told him it was "time" started to cry....then went to see my mom...started to cry....she didn't even need to hear me, she just knew. We all got in the car and headed toward the hospital.

At the hospital when you enter there is a large lobby with several directions to go. Luckily, I knew the hospital well and took a short cut to the elevators. there were two other couples at the elevator and they "got in" first. That left me closest to the door to "exit first" I went one way and the other couple went another way...the third couple stayed on the elevator. I ran into a nurse and told her what was going on and she lead me to the Triage. On the way there we ran into the other couple who also asked about "labor". The Nurse lead us all to the Triage together, but we were in front(very important later). When we got there, the lady behind the registration glass was frantic, unorganized and avoiding contact with us. She told us to sit down, with out taking names. there were 3 other couples that entered and they all were told the same thing. I made Chas go to the window and force the lady to take our names on a "wait list" which she refused at first, but I finally just asked her for a pen and paper and started one on my own....good thing too. They rushed a few women passed us from the ER and then they called me to the window. they told me to come passed the locked doorway and then while I was sitting there on the other side they told every other group of Laboring women they would have to find another hospital to take them, "They were Full!"....I was shocked and sad for those others, but really greatful I was not in that position. They took me into Triage and told me "You are in Labor" (duh?! I knew could have been a braxton hicks...) I started to cry, because even though I was ready for it, I was totally not ready for it. I would no longer have the baby bouncing around safely inside me, I would now have to watch out for her on the "outside"....wholey crapp!(in the non-religious name in vain sort of way) they wheeled me off to my own room, where I had the normal sort of pre-birth procedures of needles, blood pressure checks, and then the oh so wonderful catheter inserted, since I decided to do the Epideral.....They gave me a button to give myself "extra doses", but now know because of the second baby, they didn't do the epi correct. I felt way more in the first one, but know it was sort of off balance....a little extra numbness in the wrong places...I would was in a really great mood with the doctors, nurses and students, We were in a Teaching Hospital (Magee Womens in Pittsburgh). The Students were really great and I let them do everything, I even asked one of them to cut the cord for Chas (since he would probably be fainting). When it was time to push it involved 45 minutes of pushing a person on each side and the head nurse and the student at the "helm". When we were at the final set of pushing, the Doctor came into the room and finished off the pushing. I was so excited when they put Kai on my chest. I think I kind of had a "I don't know what to say, because I am so shocked" sort of moment. They took Kai to the warming table and then handed her to Chas. They asked if they could show the friends and family that were outside the baby....They said no at first, then I asked if they could bring the baby to the door and it would be okay, so they relented. It is here that things turned around.

Somewhere in this moment, My mom was holding the baby at the door, there was a nurse stitching my small wounds and she asked me if this was my first. I said it was and she said, "wow, you had that baby fast, and did a good job!" my answer (because I am inappropriate) "well I just took a really bid dump 2 weeks ago and realized it would be similar to that"....her mouth fell open(because she was one of those sweet innocent types) and the room filled with laughter from the other nurses I told her I was kidding of course (but I really wasn't) =). Chas was at my side. He asked me some response....and Chas actually had to call to the Nurse to ask if something was wrong.....and then the nurses looked at me....I had stopped talking and was no longer responding to anything they were saying. I remember I was staring at all of them. Everything got really cold. I think the last thing I asked "out loud" was for a blanket.....I don't know if I actually lost visual contact with them, but I lost some sort of normal consciousness. The Nurse hit a button and someone started shouting Code blue. Before you knew it There were many doctors, nurses, students pushing through my doorway to assist. Someone took the baby from my mom, who didn't see any of the "drama" unfold until that moment when everyone came running passed her. They started piling the warming blankets on me and I don't know how many, but there wasn't enough. My mom whispered in my ear to look at my baby girl....thats what i focused on. There was a Doctor, stitching me up and the Head of Surgery was over-seeing the technical issues. I don't know how, but I remembered his name the best....Dr. Hackne. He told me about how I had hemorrhaged and how they needed to fix some tearing with a lot of stitches. They had thought my placenta was out and were finishing up when the it all happened. That is when they realized, not only was my placenta still in there, what they mistook for the placenta were two very large blood clots. I asked him "how many stitches" (like that was the most important thing?..what a dork I was) He told me "too many to count, dear"...."OH" I said all sullen. Throughout that night they kept my baby in the nursery. They decided they did not want me moved so I stayed in the Labor and Delivery room that night. They had a nurse sit with me through the night and she actually had to get me 2 units of blood (transfusion) to get me warmed up and to help me get better. By morning I was feeling a lot better, but was still very "tired" and weak. My Iron Levels needed to be brought back up and I needed rest. They kept handing me Kai and I couldn't lift her up due to being so weak. I swear I almost dropped her trying to put her in the bassinet next to the bed...I had not yet healed to get out of bed....The funny thing is, and I should have said something to them then...(This is where Martha would have come in handy with her speaking up)...but I was told I could go home after the 2nd night and 3rd day. I didn't even know I was being discharged till they were completing my discharge papers......"what?"....I know now, they needed the room for more new moms. When I got home I had horrible Hemorrhoids, and I wasn't supposed to go up any everything was moved to the living room including a blow up hightop mattress. This is where I spent my first night as a new mom at my home. The next 2 weeks consisted of a failed breastfeeding attempt(s) due to the bottle feeding and lack of energy, my mom going back home to Hawai'i, engorgement and baby blues.

The Baby Blues:
I have to tell you, I am an extremely practical and normal girl. I am pretty outspoken (except with doctors) and when it comes down to it, I am pretty honest to myself. I have never had any signs of depression and when this came, it was terrible. I cried every moment I could and while I was crying I kept saying to myself, "it's okay, its that baby blues thing, you'll be okay"....but then I would keep crying. It was in the lengthy time of feeling this way that made me question whether I would ever feel better. I questioned being able to be a "fit" mother. I didn't want to talk to anyone and was not receptive to comforting words. I wanted my mommy, and I wanted someone to take the baby....I was not ready. But then slowly my friends began to stop by, ask questions, and we would have "normal" conversations. I went to the store by myself, had some great "teary-eyed" conversations with the baby's pediatrician and started on my road to feeling better. I began telling everyone about how I had felt the worst feelings in the baby blues....I didn't think I was a candidate for that, but anyone can feel that way. I started enjoying the mommy hood and was soon able to take her out and about with me to the store, to lunch with a visiting friend at Olive Garden (yep her first outing). The biggest blessing was that Kai was a really passive baby. She slept all of the time, letting me heal and rest, and she was extremely content....I mean she hardly cried at all. She was perfect....perfectly perfect. I look back now at those short few weeks where I was terribly imperfect, and am amazed that she was so accommodating to my did she know what I needed?! It was supposed to be the other way around.

By the way, She was 9lb 11oz! She is still in the 95% for height and weight. Wowza!

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